T + BN + JC = Perfect Night

I absolutely love racquetball and would rather be playing it than most anything else, even if I am not the best. I like even more than Korean music, dramas and food. Only reading beats out racquetball. However, I recently learned to love tennis. It will never replace racquetball, probably because I am not a decent player. Tennis has the advantage of being outside and practically free! ;-)

Therefore tonight I combined three of my favorite things, my roommates (Clarissa & Joanna), Tennis and Barnes & Noble. Okay, so we didn't play tennis in B&N, but it was like the icing on the fabulous cake. I have found a new reward for accomplishing the things I need to in a day. It is head to B&N.

Public Face

Sometimes I wish I was that person who really said what they were thinking and feeling. Not that I am a liar. However, I certainly wish I could say something along the lines of "life is a piece of crap today"or when my crush looked my way and I want squeel like a fan girl. Instead I have to hide behind my public face and be "cool."

Nobody makes me do it. I don't think I can even blame my parents. Darn! I have an innate desire to please everyone around me and not to have anyone worry. It upsets me even more when people worry about me. What a complex! But I have decided to beat this part of my guilt complex and not to let this fear and guilt keep me from doing and saying what I want. I know I am going to offend people but at least I am not going to hide anymore...or at least that is the goal.

I have to write this down and hold myself to it. I am not going to be a people pleaser anymore just to avoid conflict or hurting people. I have finally learned that is okay to be who I am and to mess up sometimes. Thanks to my best friends and current roommates, I have finally found people who I don't have to wear my public face around. I think after my recent long-lasting-late-twenties' (hopefully not mid-life) crisis, I can finally feel like leaving the house and not living in the dark and admit that depression seriously can mess up your life if you let it.

Some say that depression is an illness. Others say it's all made up and an excuse. But for those who face the realities of it, you know you have to fight it every day. Every morning is a fight about who you are going to believe--the anxieties and fear or the logic and faith. But the scariest type of depression is the kind that comes from being sick all the time with some unknown thing and trying to fight feeling sick and depressed at the same time while trying to keep a public face. However, I think I've made all the right steps and can get my life back to where I was a year and a half ago thanks to people who love me for who I am.

I have to say that I am grateful that no one has criticized me (at least to my face) but everyone has been so good to me and have remained my friends through it all. Most people probably never saw past my public face, but for those who did, I am beyond appreciative. If not, I probably would have honestly tried to go home as I wanted to never wake up again. But God must want me to stay for some reason even if I begged him because I have way to many people who have called and wanted to see me even though I did cancel on them. I think my best friend saved my life because she wants to do something with me each week. She's the only person I really left the dark room for on a consistent basis, but I even let her down.

I feel that I have to write this down out of gratitude for every single person who texted or called which gave me another reason to exist. Also to not let myself fall into the patterns that led to my despair. I have to keep to works of faith and my work out routine so that this will be the only time I fail like this in my life. I hope that this experience can be turned to something good through God's grace. I know for sure that I no longer will hide behind my public face and will try to see past other's public faces to give support and to make that phone call. It might be exactly what someone who has struggled like me needs...a reason to exist...a reason to hope.

Favorite Quote

"Holiness means walking away from the philosophies of man. It means looking to prophets for spiritual counsel, not celebrities or experts, who may be appealing but who all come packing personal motives and an arsenal of half-truths. It is deadly to take counsel from anyone whose primary motive is to build his or her own kingdom." Sheri Dew

Chocolate vs. Dark Chocolate

Now for most of my close associates, the title of this post would be surprising because I don't eat chocolate. Not that I have anything against it, I just can't eat it. So the title of posting doesn't have anything to do with the food. However, I entertained myself by telling of my hair coloring adventure by this comparison.

I went to get my hair colored last night. I told my fabulous stylist that I wanted my hair dyed chocolate. However, after a couple minutes talking to me and hearing my school stories, including the flying monkey incident (literally a flying monkey), my stylist suggested a different color. It ended up being dark chocolate mixed with red velvet. My hair looks almost black. WOW! I couldn't believe how daring I felt. Yesterday (and for most of my life) my hair has been blonde or light brown. I kinda went into shock when I saw it afterwards. I'm pretty conservative in my appearance and this definitely is a change to say the least. I decided to play with my clothes today also. I've felt great and liberated all day. I'm not really a structure girl.

My roommate said she is excited for 10 weeks from now to see what color I go...However, I think I'll be staying with the same cut and color, but maybe not. I do like the freedom. So from here on out I will always say that I'm a DARK CHOCOLATE girl...with red velvet tendencies. Pictures will be coming shortly.

The Art of Persuasion and the Happiest Place on Earth

Just to clarify, I'm not writing about my favorite Jane Austen movie...but the ability to motivate people. I'm also not talking about the Temple or the Home...the other two Happiest places on Earth. I'm blogging about the communication skill and Disneyland.

What does the Art of Persuasion and Disneyland have in common? At first glance, not much. However, the more I think about it, Disneyland has mastered the art of persuasion. I think Business School has influenced me too much sometimes. As I enjoyed the thrilling rides and sore feet (not so much), I couldn't help but analyze the amazing organization that Disneyland has become over the years. From the moment, you walk in, everything is about crowd control and details. It's so blatantly subtle, it's magical.

Disneyland has established rules and employees everywhere to ensure that tourists are moving in the right direction. Fast passes allow Disneyland to control the amount of people entering a line. You have to keep your arms and hands inside at all times. You are warned that you will get wet or motion sick and yet people still stand for hours, waiting just for that opportunity. As I thought about it, the Happiest place on earth has more rules and regulations than a contract, but people don't complain. They've set up the rules to be informational, entertaining, fair and consistent. By this, Disney has persuaded its visitors to be willing to wait for hours without yelling at or beating other individuals just to soar over California or drop from the top of a Tower. Now...I started to compare that to people driving on the freeway...maybe Disney magic could be used to help the communte every morning.

I could go on forever about this. I find analyzing businesses fascinating, especially from an operational standpoint...but I think I'll just post some pictures instead.

Temples and their purposes

http://www.youtube.com/mormonmessages

I personally think this should be shared with everyone. I am always saddened by misunderstandings. I hope that we take time to make available true depictions of temples to balance out ones that people will see on a cable TV show.

http://newsroom.lds.org/ldsnewsroom/eng/commentary/the-publicity-dilemma This is an awesome position and put things into perspective for me.

You know you are a night MBA student when...

10. You get excited about running a manufacturing plant via a computer game.
9. You congratulate yourself for not only staying awake during class, but not spending most of the lecture reading other people's blogs.
8. You have your MBA team members' emails prioritized over friends' and families'.
7. Your roommates wonder what you are doing home before 10pm on any given night or home at all on the weekends.
6. Your family doesn't recognize you without your laptop sitting on your lap.
5. Your comments in every area of your life revolve around what you fell asleep studying the night before.
4. 6 AM is way too early to be moving, but work won't let you sleep in...
3. You feel guilty for watching a half an hour of anything unless you have your laptop on and you are doing homework.
2. It scares you how much the Wall Street Journal now makes sense and what it says can be even scarier.
1. You don't know what to do when you have 5 minutes of free time...heck, you don't even know what free time is ...
BUSINESS SCHOOL IS AWESOME!